Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I want to have your abortion
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
