ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
there was a trapeze. enough said
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
