I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
