I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
