DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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