May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
