So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
