Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
