White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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