Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
