I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
