I want to have your abortion
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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