you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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