I just cut my nipple shaving
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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