A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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