You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
