I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
