So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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