I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
