possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
