ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
