Me. At least after what I've been through.
Say something about gay babies.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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