I murdered the dance floor call the cops
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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