Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You took a bar mat shot.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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