The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
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