Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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