Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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