i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
