he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
