I want to walk on stilts...naked
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just pee around me
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
