at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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