I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i just sent this text using only my big toe
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
