help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
