I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
