just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
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