Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Randomize
