Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
