Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
