I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize