I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
