If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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