Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
