R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
