I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize