I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
