I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
