I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
