pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
someone owes me an orgasm
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
