I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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