I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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