Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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