my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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