they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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