I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
