"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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