the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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