I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
