Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
