u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
