mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
