it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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