I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
