I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
