I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize