Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Blood and glitter go together right?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
