Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
