Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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