dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
