That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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