My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
